I pray and entreat Thee, help me and I shall be safe; direct me and defend me; strengthen me and comfort me; confirm me and gladden me; enlighten me and come unto me. Raise me from the dead; ... Despise me not, nor regard my iniquities; but according to the multitude of tender mercies have mercy upon me, the chief of sinners, and be gracious unto me. Turn unto me, and be not angry with me. I implore Thee, most compassionate, I pray meekly, of Thy great mercy, to bring me to a holy death, and to true penance, to a perfect confession, and to worthy satisfaction for all my sins. Amen.

Forgive me, for surely I am a sinner...My penitence...

~ The man I had been dating for the last month sent me a sexually suggestive text message. My son E breached my privacy again, this time instead of rifling through my room he read my messages while I took a shower. The man came over that night, fell to sleep on the couch while watching a movie. E's reaction was to smear salsa on the back of my boyfriend's shirt, smash an egg in the sleeve, and to slit the tire of his jeep.

This man had been kind comfort, helpful and we were oil and water. It was inevitable, but I would have liked to have spent more time laughing, and laying in the comfort of his big heart. He was kind in his need for escape, and I am becoming well practiced at setting what I hold dear free..

Hence...

~ My son has gone to live with his father. Please before you judge, know that I too judged others in the unenviable position in which I find myself. I too thought I was above the fray. Justice is wicked.

"Thou hast cleft my heart in twain"

~My dear friend the good Doctor has professed his feelings for me border on obsession. I've returned a thousand dollar check that he tried to give me after I mentioned that I couldn't afford to send the boys to summer camps. After I returned the check he sent a floral arrangement as big as a house as apology. While this all sounds nice and is flattering, it means the eventual loss of a dear, dear friend.

I try to count my lucky stars, but they are burning out and falling out of the sky one by one.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen

If only I could believe...