I'm not a hypochondriac by nature, but I do fall prey to bouts of health related worries and uncertain certainties that my my body harbors some dreaded disease. These bouts usually fall in line with reproductive cycles; when my body feels as if it's trying to turn it'self inside out and blow up.
Lately I'm starting to worry about my mental state and my overall brain function.
Symptoms:
I can't remember anything.
I have difficulty planning.
It takes and inordinate amount of energy to focus on tasks.
my sleep patterns are off whack
I cry at the drop of a hat
I can stop ruminating and worrying over everything that I have no control over.
I'm tired all the time.
I don't want to see people, only a select few with whom I feel safe and I'm going to lose them if I don't stop with the ruminating and like me please like me shit.
I'm having panic attacks
eating anxieties,
dreading workouts,
feeling good and sorry for myself.
did I mention I cry at the drop of a hat?
I do have a few stressers in my life -Possible triggers:
~ The boys aren't doing well in school and we are at odds most of the time.
~ I've not received support payments from their father in over 3 months.
~ I've filed for assistance in collection with SRS.
~ I'm in the process of refinancing the house for an additional 15 years.
~ I can't unlock my driver side car door from the outside and it's time to do maintenance...
~ I'm teaching many unteachable children (don't even wax every child can learn
bullshit on me, I've been at this for a very long time)
~ My father is suffering and it's hard for me to find time to be with him.
~ I've been working more hours and have only Sundays off.
~ I'm having trouble knowing how to be in a new relationship.
Self Diagnosis
I'm wonder if I've suffered a stroke.
I worry that I'm suffering from early onset Alzheimer's.
Am I going mad?
Did I lose my marbles?
Have I always been crazy?
Am I spiralling into deeper depression.
I'm feeling like I'm fighting currents all the time and unable to relax.
I've increased the dosage of Lexapro and it doesn't seem to make any difference.
Send Mojo, the good stuff.
11 months ago
7 comments:
It sounds like deepening depression to me (or let's just say that I experienced most of the same symptons myself as I've battled the "black dog").
Luckily (for both of us), Spring is lurking just around the corner. Never fails to warm me up and perk up my spirits. In the meantime, I'm sending all the good mojo I can muster...
"I'm not a hypochondriac by nature" this is exactly what hypochondriacs say, you know
Sounds all perfectly reasonable reaction to whats going on in your life...we can't cope with everything - and we all have our limits.
Is there any one area of your life you feel happy and in control of?
small steps..
one bit at a time - there is too much to do it all at once, but small things can start the upwards spiral, I can relate to some(although not all, so can see how this would seem overwhelming.. ) of this and is something I have been and am still trying - with some success.. slowly , day by day and onwards, with reassurance and attempting not to worry too much.
Take care, sending wishes, Katie, x
Yo, Gurl, half of those conditions would have me four times as batty, so it's more than fair to cite those stressors as, uh, stressing but uh... Please don't slap me but... "early onset" -- ? Is it too early for menopause, hon? I'm not familiar enough with it to guess based upon your list but is this a possibility?
I'm with Katie. While it's smart to go through and list everything _specifically_ when you're analyzing trouble, actually handling it is best a bit at a time (where possible... we know we know we hear ya....)
Hypochondriac? F'Ball is onto something. This may be another in a series of modes that can fall away in this, your new and better life. One of those things "they" tell ya _isn't working anymore_ so it's gotta go.
Get a check up if you haven't in recent years (...I should talk but hey, _you_ have insurance. Use it.). Don't damn increase doses on mood shifting pharmaceuticals that don't have track records longer than your favorite TV show, knowwhatImean?
There I go, heteromale making a FixIt list. Sounded partly like you were soliciting suggestions. Besides, you are definitely on your way to better things, so anything weighing you down from that may have you being more open about how much it bugs you. Good.
You all have the best Mo Fo Mo Jo ever. Thank you.
You all have the best Mo Fo Mo Jo ever. Thank you.
hi lu,
good mojo, bright sunshiny spring, new adventures, and much love to you. i can relate. i remember times when the air was so heavy it felt like i was walking through soup and even crossing the room was a huge effort. i really feel i've gotten to know you through your beautiful blog and care about you a lot. love!
xoxo!
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