This morning I felt as if I'd broken through barriers; that I've changed in profound and positive ways. I felt like I'd bridged some gap; left my ills behind.
Most mornings start like this. Then the day wears at the edges. Oh, hell yeah, I know that I make the allowances, I know I'm to choose my perceptions.
Whatever the fuck that means.
I have changed. I'm angry, I can be mean. I'm downright surly and no team player...
a crab without a shell at the moment.
It's the things that add up to where I am, the things I should be in control of, but I don't know how to wrangle,
How do I fix the damage done by a the man who pushes me through my own door and shoves me half way up a flight of stairs spewing poison and humiliation all the way.
How do I protect myself and my children and not lose my boys' faith in me in the process. How do I move on and have a new life and bring them happily along. How do I create a positive and productive environment out of this mess. How do I own what feels far beyond my control. How do I gain some fucking control. I grasp so desperately for hand holds, yanking things that grow wild by the roots.
How do I pay the for the sins of the father;
for the daily bread
tell me my trespasses, and I'll work on forgiving them that trespass against me
explain what temptation I'm to avoid,
explain deliverance of evil
Where is the kingdom , the power and the fucking glory.
I followed this mantra, for ever, and ever.
How low be my name?
my kingdom has come,
my will undone,
where is earth if it's not good enough for heaven.
11 comments:
you don't fix it, you move through it.
You can't control what happens to you , you can only control how you react. That being said, I'm deeply concerned that shit is happening to you. I hope there is somebody nearby to hold your hand through this. Feel mine reaching from this corner of the continent.
may i suggest a restraining order?
Flutter-yep, better today.
Bud, if only I were less emotionally charged in reactions, I'm getting better at choices--slow process. I've a warm hand to hold, Two of my sisters are in town... I feel your hand too, bud, thank you for that.
Meno, the paper work is filled out, and really this is all that it is-- a paper trail with no power. But it will be filed by the end of the week.
Oh, the damage done by the cruel and the controlling! I wish you strength.
Good for you. Your boys need to see that you will not be treated like that. I understand that it's merely a piece of paper though.
Courage.
The piece of paper is a line in the sand. And that's important in and of itself.
The piece of paper is a line in the sand. And that's important in and of itself.
The piece of paper is a line in the sand. And that's important in and of itself.
The piece of paper is a line in the sand. And that's important in and of itself.
The piece of paper is a line in the sand. And that's important in and of itself.
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